Shouts
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ScarWeaver
Mitch never died, he just established himself a separate career as Steven Wilson in the '90s as a backup. He got sick of being Mitch in 2005...
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ChaosDevin
I remember seeing on TV years ago. He had so much potential and he could have been really something if he lived. An outstanding comedian that went too soon, R.I.P. Mitch Hedberg.
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mecbirdhouse
Every time I see a broken escalator I think of him and get rather happy then rather sad.
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MohabSelim2
That'd be funny if you were a drummer, and you grabbed two magical wands instead of drumsticks. Be pounding out the beat "1-2-3-4 Oh shit, my bass player's now a can of soup... Sorry Rick, I mean Cream of Mushroom!
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leoislostatsea
I bought a doughnut and they gave me a receipt for the doughnut. I don't need a receipt for the doughnut, man. I'll just give you the money and then you give me the doughnut, end of transaction. I just can't imagine a scenario where I would have to prove that I bought a doughnut.
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MonaLisaEscapes
Escalators can never break. They can only become stairs. You will never see a sign that says "Escalators now stairs. Sorry for the inconvenience." <3
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dabigcheeze
"I was in a convenience store reading a magazine and the clerk came up to me and said "This is not a library". so I said, "Alright, I will talk louder then!""
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LiveAusBerlin26
Batteries make shit seem substantial. If you take the batteries out of a radio its like "This thing is a piece of shit actually." Then you put the batteries back in its like OH YEAA
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